bye bye, beautiful.

2006-05-29T05:23:00.000-07:00

www.manhattangigolo.blogspot.com

2006-05-22T04:58:00.000-07:00

i don't know why you're not messaging me
but i do hold the policy of only replying messages now
because i am flooded with smses so much sometimes i feel
like i need to have two numbers
then again, i see no point in carrying two handphones
makes me seem like a total clown

so thankyou very much
now that i assume you have your emotions of me (that was stirred up) cleared
up
and that you don't like me at all (haha)
and i don't feel awful about it (like how i might feel last time)
because i know there's so much more about life than just you
you're like 5 percent of my life (least to say it, with all due respect and no hard feelings)

and why should i really care so much if the 95 percent is made up of other people
and other commitments in life

i get to meet new people every week
i get to make new friends every week

and i am so damn glad i am having this one hell of a life
why do i not feel anything more than the slightest feel of that everything has just gone to a waste
or that somehow
you have left me alone without even explaining
that you might as well call me sensitive
but i wouldn't care to cont. an agrument
for this perilious state will go haywire
and that i probably wouldn't get mad
but disappointed that that's how you still see me despite the years

and go ahead love your bf
i am sure he will not dump you when i might probably dump you for other girls
when i get bored, say tad alittle now.

you won't get mad i am sure because you have 0 for me
and i don't even feel the urge to flame or exert any energy in smsing you
asking whats up today?
like it's such a rhetoric question
when i am busy thinking of what to do on my weekends

so you can probably live your own life; go and make love to your bf
and i will just stride along the sidewalks
as i enjoy the fullest of life

what more can i ask?
to ask you if you still like me?

hell no
i am not even in the kneeness of mind for that question to pop up
because
i don't think anything matters anymore
that i have given you enough time

and for now
this blog is down

: )

2006-05-17T04:38:00.000-07:00

dear, mute and numb

i am having an off day on friday !
and i might be going to zouk on friday night
might say 30 percent chance
then saturday,
probably gonna meet up with ivy for her cookies
then kevin and co.

then sunday try to meet up with sophia and church.

okay
okay
okay
i'm bored
do you even care?

2006-05-14T04:03:00.000-07:00

THE PINK SPIDERS

i cannot tolerate arty farty who acts as though they are a bunch of trendsetters who inject style in whatever they wear and do, ie i have got afro hair-do.
you don't have to write a sign board " look i am cool "
we all know who is and who isn't
like what's so cool about trying to take up theatre studies and end up being broke all your life
i don't see the potential of becoming an artiste unless you have the looks of a A graded celebrity
and what more,
singapore looks at paper more than any other country i dare say
so you're thinking you're cool and we're not
think again

just be who you're
and stop walking around like it's a catwalk fashionshow,
won't you people ever feel tired
i feel tired looking at you people.
yeah.

: )

2006-05-13T22:18:00.000-07:00

Kiss Of A Rose

i'm still down with flu
and that sucks

i just hope that i will feel much better when back in camp
and i am yet another jubilant jester to make new friends every week

life's a blaze
and i found this wine and dining area at rochester park
near dover area
it's pretty much like place to chill out in the park, and it's pretty reasonable.
11 dollars for house pours and 15 for crackers

http://www.onerochester.com

MUST GO ONE DAY

: )

2006-05-13T02:22:00.000-07:00

Dance dance

lesson number 1: make sure she doesn't have flu

: )

i want to have fun every night.

2006-05-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

The Amateur Party Animal

people actually think i am a seasoned party animal who goes clubbing every week.
looks can be so deceiving
especially when it comes to me.

and oops
i forgot your name
sorry.

: )

2006-05-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

I SHOWED HER BY O-TOWN

It's catching up to me right now
Everything that I've said
The night I left her there
When I said I wanted out
I was angry and upset
And at the time
I could care less about staying there
I had to prove I didn't care
As much as she thought I did

[chorus:]I showed her
I let my pride take me
Far away from the only woman I loved
I showed her
Now she has found someone new
And her life will go on
And I'm all aloneBut I showed her
Oh oh oh
I hate that she's in love
But it took a while for her to get over the hurt
Now I know that I messed up
I was trying to give us time
But I see she took that time to find somebody else
What happened to the things she felt for me
Am I really a part of her past

[chorus:]I showed herI let my pride take me far away
From the only woman I loved
I showed her
Now she has found someone new
And her life will go on
And I'm all aloneBut I showed her
Woah oh oh's

[chorus]Now she has found someone new
And her life will go on
And I'm all alone
But I showed her

2006-05-11T19:57:00.000-07:00

YOUNG RICH AND MAYBE FAMOUS;
ZOUK OR BUTTER FACTORY?

it's been sometime since i stepped into the dancefloor and hear the HI-FI STEROES BLASTING AWAY
hahaha.
i like clubbing; i like dancing; i like reaching the climax and then stay there for a poo while;
and everything seems so real to me
besides,
it's pretty nice getting piss drunk then high then you forget all your fucking problems.

I'm only human to be human (does anybody ever know?)
you say i've got abundance in ego
words are deceiving
words are tools one use to mask one's mightyself
words are never to be taken into deep consideration especially when one use them to mask one's feelings
and i have ZERO ego
when i am not the one
when i could actually be the one
then
i think i am always losing this losing battle; (now you know this BIG EGO guy is all but just a mannequin standing perfect not until you see his heart bleeds for you)
do you know how down i am everytime i know you're with him
or talking to him,
picture you being with him (and it's not your fault. i understand of course).
i dont think you can ever imagine the pain, the anguish,
the silent killing of my heart.
i don't even think trying your best to put yourself in my shoes
can make me feel any better
i would feel uh-huh,
thankyou (but nevertheless i appreciate it)

you always ask me if i am okay? (and i don't know how you ever guessed it well enough)
that's quite a rhetoric question
because somehow i will have the character and courtesy (because it's me) to tell you i'm but i may not be okay
because it's not fair that i am going to ruin your day (whoever you're with) because of me
i don't want you to feel guilty;
to feel as though you're shortchanging me in some ways
and inject a mood of solemn moodiness on your day
so i always crack yet another weak smile
and tell you "oh of course i am fine!" with such enthusiam and energy that i somehow cannot explain (white lie?)
probably i am quite the elephant thick skinned egoistic fellow on the surface?

: )

do you know that
i am always bitting my tongue through this
do you know that
what makes a man greather than the other?
to see part of him losing to another
and yet
able to walk up confidently,
crack a weak failing smile
and tell anybody

" it's alright, you enjoy your day i won't spoil it = ) "

" i am okay, it's alright, i am just concerned.. = ) "

that's a greater greater man
for myself (you don't have to feel sorry or do anything for me)

( anyway a blog's to vent your feelings because there's nowhere else in the world i would like to scream my head off at, so don't feel obliged to do something ie, ignore me ; i will be : ( )

: )
and i am all smiles
that tonight i am so gonna rock hard. HAHA (actually am not)
i sound so emo-maniac
; but actually it's more like problem-free after alochol indulgement; plus the company that i have i cannot complain any further.

: ))

can't wait for the hard partying, bold dancing and the reckless alcohol-fun tonight.

2006-05-11T19:16:00.000-07:00

Friday Morning; i like the civilian air

it feels good to be free from any obligation and duties, especially that of the government organisation.
like, you finally have some freedom
and you can give that stupid smug and laugh at your friends who're doing duty now.

hahah.
but i am not that mean.

ah,
i went around scooping people's blog
and found sophia's blog.
HAHAH.
she's such a depressing girl, but then again
she sounds friendly
and quite act cute "ROXYDOLL_"
i can't imagine a 20 years old girl can write that
probably too lazy to change it!
but then again, she's got that high-class taitai feminine look.

i think i have something to look forward to going to church on sunday now.

i guess i have to try to look on the brighter side of life;
life's about making new connections and living the best;
at least i won't grumble about my day.
at least i won't do many things i would in the past.

: )

2006-05-10T05:21:00.000-07:00

HIGH AND DRY; slice open me and let the romance bleed

my days are tiring,
i feel lethargic that so many people in the army right now are pretty much retards who cannot think logically,
and worse still i can't seriously click with any of them.
they're not the fun kinda people who i will and want to hang out together after we ord.
seriously, no.

then again,
i am having a slight flu from my flu-infested bunk.
thankyou bunkmates
who refuse to dispose their tissue paper properly in a rubbish bin (so what's a rubbish bin for anyway?)
and who refuse to see a proper doctor who can cure them
once again, thankyou very much.

anyhow,
i was reading some old issues of FHM, and i realise that my army mates like to cut saucy pictures of models out from the book that they become so incredibly hard to read that i just cannot continue anymore.
haha but i chance upon this rather interesting info,
"...having sex actually releases hormones that gives a togetherness feeling that binds the couple..."
how to stay in a r/s?
just do it.

which can be such a flamming issue especially when you're seen as a catholic,
tsk tsk.

here's some shit i write when i was like tossing around bed yesterday afternoon,
hah.

trying your best doesn't always yield you the results
and sometimes you lose
sometimes you get what you want but not what you need
so you ask
if somethings can be replaced?

containing all this ambivalence rupture of feelings
in my skeleton frame
suffocation i feel,
so breathless
so helpless
i seek only to bite my lips
and suffer through the nights

mouth i am given to speak and express
but choose not to when
given
i do it with my heart
to take every drop of feeling
away with me to the neverland of fantasy
and that's call indulgement at its best

feeling just became a word
for thy has too much for it to be used
to think of thy meaning to use it
that feelings has merely ordinarily become a
translational word to reason out
why and how
but not me

sorrowfulness and dismayal are elements
that
i have seek solace with
they have become brother and sister to me
for anything deeper than that
i might drown
but then again
i am a good swimmer
i will swim back to shore once again.

asdladjsojd932cnkanekdkasd3fek3092fds

i am writing bullshit

: )

2006-05-07T04:24:00.000-07:00

why are you stealing glances; and not dare look at me in the eyes

went church, mi3, starbucks to chill, far east.
when i was on my way to the town,
a girl sitted just infront me
and she looked really familiar.
so i went to tap her and asked if she's from my cat class and church.

and she is. hahahahha.
i ask if she can remember me, and she said can't
must be i changed so much over these years.

anyway, i have seen her a number of times at church and thomson area and always thinking this pretty hot girl is actually my cat classmate.

haha now i found a new prata house suppermate...
and i just like the idea of making new friends all the time.

: )
life's a hightime when you feel high - QUOTE UNQUOTE ME

and i can't wait for next week sheesha smoking hahaha. (maybe i'd like to try since it's non-addictive and fragrant and candy-like)

2006-05-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

if you can say goodnight to me everynight, i will : )

wala wala was high time,
i felt really good.
in fact the feeeeeeling was so good i was dancing to the music.
: )

and next week saturday night i will be going to club as derrick's back from the states.
he still owes me a drink !
haha.

if only every night, i feel so young,
and with no problems over my head,
i want to live forever.

and i learn to appreciate every little gesture from people,
especially close-knitted people that matters alot.

: ))

being myself and being yourself
we could probably bring out the best together...

2006-05-06T00:57:00.000-07:00

the EMO element

maybe one day we will wake up and realise that you love me. (STRIKE 4D AH)

i stirred up alot of emotions and she doesnt know if she likes me
(now that's a rocket science question)

tsk tsk.

but for now we know we got the big picture.

LIVE LIFE THE WAY IT SHOULD BE; FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

going wala wala!

: )

2006-05-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

INTENSE

i don't like it when he goes
"eugene i think you bite too hard so you have to be cautious alright?"

(BUT ITS YOUR LOW QUALITY CEMENT WHAT)

tsk tsk.
and the spray air tube keep sprinkling water on my face
wah lao
just after i bathed i went to the dental
and this is what i get?

nevermind bastard,

i may be closing this site really soon..
but this is a good revenue to pen my thoughts
and a place i can call refuge to my feelings,
at least,
i can...

i wont if you like it.

i wrote this this morning..

You could be the devil in my bed
you could be the angel in my head
You could be the voices that i hear
i'm singing alng because it sounds just like you're near
Cause you're so beautiful
You're beautiful today
you're so beautiful
in every little way

i could be the drug you can't resist
i could be the antidote you missed
i could be the love you hate to fear
You're filling the hole inside your heart with feeling near to me

Cause when you're coming around
I'm off the ground
I've got to say
You're so beautiful
You're beautiful today

Can we make it through
Together we got to fly
Don't you know i got to fly
cause when you're coming around i got to fly
Don't know you i want to fly

And i know
and i feel
that i could learn to hate just like you
and i know
and i feel
that you could learn to love just,
like me

2006-05-05T09:58:00.000-07:00

the joke factory; (absence makes thy heart grow fonder part 1)

veg and rif came, micheal ps ps ps me.
damn.
but hella fun lah.
and i saw quite a no. of people i know,
whats new? everytime i see familiar faces at the prata house, its place to meet 21323432 old friends !

and this friend was like
"you look different now.."

"what different? how can i look differently? i am always so youthful looking what."

"you look abit more mature?"

"HAHA GODDAMN YOU i know i am 20 already"

yeah.
my friend whom i have not met for ages.

then we went to mac donald to chill and left for home
and i saw a girl mugging her econs at twelve?
those were the days (not too far away i guess?)
and i bought them 50cents cheap ice cream!
but i still feel hella good,
laughed till i almost fell off my chair.

i hope you appreciate my call last night even though it was a good 5 minutes...
because it was so noisy and i couldn't find a quiet place and my friends were there...
and they kept making me so glued to their stories and jokes that i felt guilty if i left them.

recover well soon i will pray.

2006-05-05T05:02:00.000-07:00

ARTY FARTY ME (CLICK ON PICTURE TO ENLARGE)

2006-05-05T04:29:00.000-07:00

the haha factor

i was dragged in with micheal for some yoga shitass class; damn him.
and i wasted almost 1/2 hour there listening to a beefy shitass no brainer talking;
act sexy but not sexy; act buffed up but not buffed up enough; aiyarh whatever actor.

anyway,
some weird smss girl approached me
when i was going back home alone on the bus ride
(now i dont want to take bus alone again)

"are you from poly?"

"NO"

"do i have a poly face?"

"you look cute"

"really? but i think you're cuter!"
"sorry i really have to go"

too bad; she's desperate
and i don't like girls so young like my sister;
i prefer girls of certain maturity level lah.

BUT
I WAS REALLY QUITE TAKEN BACK when
she was like "you know ah siying, this girl is really short"

and i don't know if i were thinking of you or not.

aiyarh whatever; as summer ends, i will wake up
and wake up to a dream that i will be 8 feet tall with muscles as big as watermelons and chest of cup DDDDD

: ))

2006-05-05T04:13:00.000-07:00

Pull-up bar; give me something to hold on (now people that's how i spend my time when i am bored)

(PS: remember to magnify !)

stay : )

2006-05-04T22:09:00.000-07:00

my ever-showy yet resilient confidence

my mum calls herself bodo-sami
HAHA SO CUTE
i think she's like frustrated at one moment
and the next she's like laughing because oh it's the copier!

haha.
went out with veg to town,
and i am damn tired
so so so tired
of walking around
and bloody boring place was killing me
and
i can't just wait for supper with rif and micheal

and not forgetting mastermind!
hahah.
maybe they will bring Vania along.
the cute rjc track chick with doofu eyes and sexy legs
but then again, sighszszszszszsz.
i don't want to break her <3 ; unless she adores snow patrol !

we shall see

2006-05-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

my life = real friends + family + studies (+-) love (bonus)

if there's this manual that allows you to read peoples' thoughts and minds,
i will buy it
so i can try to read erin sergery and his partner on how they turned google into a multi-billion business.
so cool right,
imaginating that some girl is actually thinking of something naughty.
hah. that will be interesting.

i like answers in this world
i remembered i always ask my mum why is it that i can always see the moon moving with us in the car?
is the moon moving too i asked?

haha.
and she doesn't know how to answer me
and i will always get so frustrated that i folded my arms and sit in a corner..

maybe that's the innate curiosity i have ever since i was born into this ever-wonderful place called earth but not so earthly afterall with all the troubles we can drown ourselves in.

"if i say no, i will end this (we're all afraid of losing what's better; may or may not necessarily be true)and if i say yes, i might give you a false hope (i can start my current fling number ... till i find what's lost in me)"

"i cannot confirm with what feelings i have for you? ( so you need to come out with me again to reassure yourself of the heart going thump a thump like andrenlin rush pumping? i also want to see if i will feel the bloodrush and heart jamming again )"

"you need to come out with me for a few times i guess?"

"but time doesn't permit me, it's not as if.."

"alright i understand"

i am only human
and i get into quite the sianzszszszszszszszszsz (not jealousy or saddening) mood when she say things like oh i am meeting him here and there
of course what
i mean literally i have feelings and a heart what,
it's not as if i am a stone-breaker from the stone age
and look "i don't feel anything" and i left my heart in the fridge
maybe that's called "i just want to get into your pants" syndrome" (which i didn't even harbour any of that thought even i saw you)

and it's not just that.
the game's like
she spent 3/4 of her time with him
and 1/4 with me

and if you got quite upset that i am like sounding alittle loud or pushy (when i am actually looking normal and maybe even smiling because it's over the phone and body languages account for 70 percent of the message sent across)
so will you please understand that even a gentleman would feel quite sianzszszszszszszszszszsz,
so don't feel that i am inadequate of as a man.

i am in no position of telling myself that a blind man should learn how to cross the road himself without any assistance,
like telling her to make up her mind?
that's exactly the same.

so i am actually quite pleased with what you said today
at least they were words of truth and nevertheless encouragement (must be like sunflower, optimistic lah)
for me.

must have this thinking lah,
only come out once and everything's good.
then twice, she will tell me my cologne sucks (haha).
then thrice, she will tell me i look so adorable now.

and she went out with him 29237923 times and me only once this year
and we felt this way
shoudn't i at least see things this way?
shouldn't i at least tell myself that look, i am gaining some leverage afterall?

people like to say if it was me spending this much..
it would be equal playing field ( i woke up to this)
but
whats the point
of
it all
when
you know
all
it takes is
5 minuts
to love
someone.

and i want to tell you this now
hey,
i am really glad
you're brave enough to give me this much time,
and chance for us..
i appreciate it sy alot alot and alot. (now the warm and tight handshake!)

just that sometimes words that longed for your ears to be heard never seem to be out at the right moment..

oh a lighter note,
i am going out with my gay buddies today!
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN
i can't exactly wait.
first up, we're gonna do magic tricks to strangers and try to poof and puff
then we will play board games tonight
at prata house while having supper
and talk cock all we want.
maybe i can bring my laptop for some music?

then tomorrow maybe i might want to go drinking
at harry's at boat quay because this close pal invited me over for free drinks since his band is performing tomorrow or watching soccer match with my other friends at dohby or going over to another friend's place or wala wala with andy his pals or don't know what to do?
i have yet to make up my mind.

EUGENE NG JINGHUA is very busy person but he wouldn't mind spending 5 minutes of his time with you if it convinces you of however you feel.

i am obviously kidding
5 minutes is too short
5 hours more like it.
nahs. quality over quantity!
tsk tsk.
the paradoxical truth of falling for someone;
fuck fighting love;
i am in no mood for fighting love now;
i will just go as it comes;
comes as it goes;
till the moment for me to jerk my hand up and whoohoo;
then adious.

: )

2006-05-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

whispers in my left ear; the race has just began

010506

my left ear still feels amazingly red and hot from her whispers
hahahaha.
i don't know what the hell is this cloud 9 sensation; but it sure feels quite damn good to begin with.

hide-and-seek
lido theatre
colour white
swayed and geniune shyness
silent awkward moments that melts my heart
stealing catching glances in the theatre
so adorable yet demure smiles
ruffling of hair
that ever wonderful scent
( plus i like staring at you even if it's rude )

so deja-vu yet so far away.
somehow we've got the same taste and thinking i can't explain why
lacoste shoes i have recently been eyeing
white leather shoes
and you pick a grey coat for me
when i was planning to get one for myself soon too
and much more i can't remember for the moment.

i don't know if i am seriously beginning to slip on this banana skin and fall hard
like BAM
and whacked hard in my face

and unimagineable for most,
i still believe in you,
somehow i feel that you'll come to terms in accepting me when the time comes
i will give you the time and space ( i am a man of reasons i reckon )
and all i ask is for some encouragement from you if that's ever possible with you.

but for now,
goodnight and cover yourself warmly because i may just be watching over you.

2006-04-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

the matchstick striking the box; the kickstart reaction

it makes only a lot of sense that some things happen for a reason
and that only reaffirm the position we feel for some causes

a farmer gives you one red apple and one green apple
but tom likes a red apple, however he was given the green apple,
tom would say
"an apple a day would keep the doctor away, but the red one would be juicer"

meaning
you like apples yes
and they serve the same purpose,
(only that one gives you a better taste)
but different coloured-apples.
ah that's the crux

and the doctor would advise against the red apples as they have worms and they may cause parasite infection

but tom insisted
"i would think that if the purpose of eating the green apples was for his own good,
i wouldn't want'em.
what purpose does it serve,
so be the worms,
(at least i would be able to take MC)
when my want isn't satisfied,
besides nothing is ever guaranteed"

so be it a speech or a cause of action or a mere gesture,
it may just only give your position away.

the best part is that i didn't even think of ever getting back together until today when i saw what love transceds fate; and vice versa; and that i feel for i feel it's right;
say i say therefore i am; so i feel therefore i feel for you now.

and when this happens
i know i may just be falling from the stars above
and look there're many nets catching me
but which net?
i don't know

maybe her,
maybe you
but probably you i want to land myself in

and then
maybe god will be kind enough to tell me

"he's put a smile on her face tonight for you"

2006-04-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

Quando quando quando

oh do i sound so arty farty with my title?
yes sir yes ladies yes.
act musically inclined but maybe not afterall.

jazz and bosa nova are two genres of music i have grown to appreciate alot ever since don't know when.
but they're really good when it comes to taking your mind off at things
or say, you want to get into the music mood.

rjc cute girl, dance with me to the sound of quando quando quando
hahahaha.
awww. you're melting my heart once again. YEAH RIGHT, i am melting yours.

i don't like the element of surprise and coincidence; which miserably happens to be something called fate; one must understand that fate's called a two way transit; because i saw and you saw, and then i acted as if i didn't see because i don't know how to react to it, it isn't because there's something in me that says "i feel uncomfortable, maybe it's too much to ask for, but what can i do?"

GUY TALK; MY TALK

"I am a man, you're a man,
I have balls, you have balls,
so cut the cheap talk,
i know what you're thinking of"

somebody told me i should hold my esteem high
i was like.
"are you serious'bout that?"
"yeah"
"i am quite the eligible bachelor out here"
"i could almost certaintly get into any play fool around r/s anytime if i want to"
"hahaha i am so glad to hear that from you"
"you took this long to realise this? look, she's looking at me now"

then again,
another good friend,
understands that it's been quite a few days for me to go through.

"like he says, don't get the emo get into you"
"what emo, i am hard hearted remember ******?"
"how i play and fuck off if i wanted to"
"oh yeah huh i forgot"
"but sometimes i do feel emo afterall, memories could come alive and haunt me"
"hahaha i understand bro, i know you, you know me, and i have been through that"
"hey i told you i am not emo, i was refering to the ******* (HAHAHAHA)"

that's what i call friends for supper

and milo dinosaur to you bukkakae milf lovers
hahahhahaha.
guys' joke.

2006-02-19T00:57:00.000-08:00

18/02/06
went over to surewood at bukit timah for fabri's birthday bash.
in fact it was a bbq fest with alot of chicken satays and otak and sotong rings ( i don't know what they're called) and some really spicy beehoon. (that had me drank a dozen of cups of icy cold softdrinks)

initialy,
i was feeling really awkward with so many of his SMU buddies and the NYJC council people.
sure this is going to be weird with me standing alone doing nothing for a few lonely moments.

then it went to the SUPPER
where i chatted and had alot of fun in doing so with my future smu seniors (hopefully i come out of NS in one piece)
it was so cool to be talking to these smu year 1 business undergraduates.
i like the openess and the warm feeling they gave me.
these are the people you want to be associated with,
you want to be recognised with
and you want to hang out with.

and yes,
i am so gonna enjoy my stay at SMU
and i know i will.

hahaha.
i will sidetrack alittle
and the girls were trying to guess which college i was from
and all of them thought i came from acjc.
haha.

boy, do i look such a bastard to most people?

tsk tsk,
i cant wait to leave my army commitments
and venture into this new lease of life.

it just feels cloud nine
with open vibrant people around you.

and i woke up thinking i would become a better man today.

= )

2006-01-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

high

i shook your hands,
and i trembled and shivered.

my heart went ta-thump thump.

hahahhahahah.

but i know we'll never.

happy chinese new year with the rarest surprise from my heart; i didnt know my heart was going on a 160 on the highway.

blessings ,
eugene

2006-01-15T04:00:00.000-08:00

the advertising space

i feel gloomy over how i am going to just spend my 4 days,

i just hope i won't die.

and quote of the week,

opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.

take care and pray for me.

2006-01-13T06:18:00.000-08:00

let's try to get into the highmode together

finally, it's friday.
wait; why am i using the word 'finally' ?

the days come and go like the water cycle (evaporation and condesnation).
how true, in another 1++ months i would hit the big 20 .
and it's 20.
yes, how frightening i thought when i realised i am already in my twenties.

"SIS, I THINK I DON'T LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND"

"BRO, I THINK YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A SLUT"

am i finally realising the roles of an elder brother?
a brother's brother?

i am beginning to think that
i am very dependent on my parents;

and i'd like to rid this dependence someday.
like today,
i'd rather take the cab even if it means spending 5 dollars than calling my dad to pick me up frm camp.

sometimes you don't realise how much they mean to you till you lose them
and only then your loss will never be met with a hurricane of love.

for the past few days,
it was raining at camp.
i always tell my friends to cheer up even if it rains.

when they think i am their brightside,
i was whimpering in the darkest corner of my room,
did i tell you i am afraid of the loneliness deep within me?

sometimes,
i feel this harsh empty void in me screaming "somebody help me!'

and i try to tell you i am doing fine with being alone,
not telling you,
but lying to you.

2006-01-01T05:44:00.000-08:00

fireworks in the sky

champagne; sparkling wine; beer; cocktails;
you name it, and you have it.

i am so glad i'd the good company of my 2 good friends, namely andy and vegustian.

there we are sitting, chatting away,
we realise something,

to be happy is to be simple.

and vice versa.

infact it doesn't take a genius to figure out that one.
and we all know, in time to come,
a friend in need is a friend indeed.

and happy new year , gong xi fa cai everybody !

2005-12-30T10:41:00.000-08:00

age six racer

i am like listening to the oasis, travis, coldplay and franz ferdinand songs.

and i am going to the oasis concert !

i am like so damn excited about it
because i found people who like oasis themselves too.
it'll be so cool.
and i think i will memorise the lyrics just to sing along with them.

oasis's like retro but retro in the modern way; say the retrokings of 90s

and i like their songs,
because i can relate to them

hahaha.

and i like franz ferdinand too, they're damn catchy.

like woah.

and then i can't wait for my NYE countdown.
it'll be quite a thrill.

champagne to all my real friends!

2005-12-29T05:51:00.000-08:00

i will follow you into the dark

mambo jambo at zouk rocks.

our idea was to go to phuture.
and guess what?
phuture was full house.

and so we ended up going to zouk.
AND MIND YOU i queued for 40 minutes.

it was one of the best and most happening clubs ever,
the mambo moves reminded me of a jc mass dance.
hahahaha.
it was hella cool.

like we didn't even care if we're dancing with girls,
what matter more was the music.

anyhow,
then after which we went to lido's mac for breakfast.
hahaha
and only manage to reach home at 6

HAHA.

and i still went out today for some pool and window shopping.

i got myself a zara brown tee.

and yeah,
i was thinking i wouldn't go to zouk if i was going out with you.
then there wasn't any response,
so i thought i will hang out with my real friends.

let's go
YMCA.

2005-12-27T20:18:00.000-08:00

destiny is calling me,
open my eagle eyes,
bye mr brightside.

i feel good about myself, yes i feel damn good,
in fact fucking damn good that people do notice me,
and went
"he thinks he's so shuai (i hate it when chinese-y kids use that on me)"

that day i was at the fast food,
and the cashier (obviously her part time during school hols), was giggling inncesantly; like insane when i stare at her.

fine, i thought it was innocuous anyway,
so whats the whole idea?
and besides her friend was leaning against the table top and looking at me,

and the teeny booper cashier was apologising,

i gave a
"i am used to it"

remark.

i am the rockstar.
yet today it's quite hard to get anybody to phone with me

HAHA
actually it is damn finger chicken licking easy,
but i always can't be bothered,
and when i am alittle bothered,
i dont seem to care,
and when that happens,
shit happens.

and like my cousin,
tells me.
i really need another half.

the hot guy who loves being single and playing around.

much love,

eugene.

2005-12-25T06:12:00.000-08:00

allergy to your bullshit

you just came online
and i remembered you lied.
hah.
i am like the nice guy who acts nice;
hey wait, correction
i am the hypocritical guy who acts nice

this sucks.
hahah.
i am sure i am the guy you want to bring home to your parents.

yeah i am.

just fuck off bitches.
fuck off from my life.

totally.

2005-12-04T04:23:00.000-08:00

so long sweet summer

another day has passed; a day closer to ORD; the euphoria of all.
and just sometimes we thought all of us could win;
we don't.

i thought love was a battle; you could win and take it all everything;
no it isn't.

and just when you start turning away, you thought the hour hand will tick,
and it just stopped.

yeah.
i like my singlehood; the signature for freedom and less-money-spend.

till then,
i shall see what comes along the way,
and grab it like sales at GUESS store,
but it has got to be MY STYLE,
i ain't rushing,
i am just waiting like autumn trees turn yellow and red.

maybe.

cheers,

eugene !

2005-11-18T05:59:00.000-08:00

dance dance; ignored

i am tempted to have a crew cut.
i think i look good BOTAK.
mind you, not every one has a head like henry.
HAHAHA.

come on, cheer me up.

and my stand, wouldn't reply to two messages ignored.
hahahah. whaddya bitch i am.

peace out,
it's partying time.

dance dance,
eugene.

2005-11-12T22:23:00.000-08:00

the c factor

haha.
yesterday was damn good i think;
went out with kevin, kaibin, micheal
and then i met up with andy and russell.

i was rushing home;
running in fact;
just to be on time,
i was late still.
argh.

i can't believe the clock showed 3.39am when i hang up the phone;
i am being superficial; i have got to say you're flawlessly fake.

yours,

lee.

2005-11-06T03:03:00.000-08:00

the bishan park story

frame by frame; flashbacks of memory come into me like an instant hit right up to my mind;
it's as if i just woke up from a nightmare and scream out my name to you.

so strange; is this the works of faith?
; is god calling me?

i actually clean my computer and keyboard and mouse; and i tidy up most of my files in the computer;

and now
i want to be a good filial son, an amiable friend and a patriotic soldier who will die for his country.

i was thinking of flashy cars, big money and the status;
and look, now i just want a fulfilling life.

maybe i just realised it's time to take one step back, and admire the surreal settings planned above; the beauty.

i just learn PHD

P- PERSONALITY
H- HEART
D- DEDICATION.

hahaha. so awesome and cool.

have a nice day everyone,

mr eugene.

2005-11-05T21:26:00.000-08:00

the honorary title

; the best christian rock band alive.

i swear they rock; solemn poetic emotional-wrecking lyrics

i might just buy the album.

i am beginning to believe that what comes around, goes around,
and what goes up, comes down.

2005-10-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

SUPERFICIAL LOVE

i think you look damn hot.
and i am weird.

with love,

EU.

2005-10-29T05:48:00.000-07:00

RED LIPS

i have been reading deception point by dan brown.
hella boy,
it rocks like monkeys craving for bananas.
you know, i have never read so fast before,
say 100+ pages in 3 days !
and look,
i am in camp !
haha.

maybe i would like angels and demons too.
but i am waiting for memoirs for the geisha.

i am becoming a bookworm; but who cares,
reading burys me damned loneliness.

btw,
i am so fucking pissed
that i am down with fever and flu and weird sensation of the throat.
like when i have already planned it all out
on a saturday night of partying and drinking
when this all have to come to a halt when
i am sick.

maybe or maybe not?
should i or should i not?

drown my ol' fucking sorrows, goddamnit.

love,

EU.

2005-10-16T02:36:00.000-07:00

RENT
the movie to watch.

GRRR.
i cant wait for it to be shown in the theatres.

2005-10-16T01:18:00.001-07:00

TABOO; PARTY

friday night was great.
in fact it was one of the better parties i have been to so far this year.
so yes, 18 dollars well-spent.

so i was with arif, kevin, mark and sk;
all the cool people i hang out with.

we went to 7 eleven to get cans of amstradam.
mind you, it's 11.6 percent in alochol content; and yes, it was also my recomendation because i have tried it three times already and i know how potent the shit is.

and we hang outside 7 eleven drinking with straws.
the trick about trying to get high and drunk and wasted is drinking with straws.

and guess what after 2 cans,

the scenario was:

SK vomitted; sadly, he's got wasted first.

mark walked really fast, and he was like "do you still want another can?" with his tomato-red face. walk fast but unsteady.

ARIF was as sober as he was going to take the exams tomorrow, because he hardly drink any, he only got himself a small can of barons.

kevin was high. probably like me, but we're still sober; at least we could still walk straight and differentiate hot and ugly chicks. oh wait, maybe not for kevin. HAHA.

so there we entered the club and start rocking the dancefloor.
i have seen my juniors, friends, and familiar-looking people.
so it's not that nice.
yes, i don't like that part about the party knowing people.
i do feel shy.
yes, that means i wasn't feeling exactly wasted enough to be the man.

ah, dance my whole night out.
mark practically went

"(taps on her shoulder) hi i find you attractive, can i have a dance with you?"

"my name's mark, and you're?"

"can i have your number?"

HAHA
he's the man with the biggest balls because he did that to every girl that he saw on the dancefloor and he even approached some of them twice without realising.
that is what happens to you when you're all wasted.

and here comes kevin's story.
because kevin's like 1.8+ and he's tall, we could all pick him out from the crowd (HAHA probably because its jc parties so all the girls there are not really vertically challenged).
so we saw him grinding a fat CHICK.
IT WAS HILARIOUS WITH A CAPITAL H.
I COULDN'T STOP CRACKING UP.
because you see kevin's tall and lanky,
and that girl's fat and not that tall.
HAHAHA.
SO JUST IMAGINE.
AND ITS DAMN FUNNY because kevin was making eyes at me, hinting to me that he's having lot's of fun,
i was like winking back at me, "yeah you're the man" with my hand gestures.
( i was like wondering, "yeah you're the man in your dreams" HAHA )

HAHA
THEN WHEN we went for toilet break,
i was like

"i didn't know you have a thing for fat chicks."

KEVIN: "i didn't know she was fat until she pull me to her buttocks with her hands and then her tummy"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

KEVIN: " (that frustrated look) i didn't know she's fat lah, it's so dark"

"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA"

"THAT SHOWS YOU ARE WASTED, I CAN DIFFERENTIATE A HOT CHICK AND A FAT CHICK"

and no, don't look at me like that,
trusts me, i didn't pick any girls up.
as usual i just dance my way; my style; and my moves.

like who wants a girlfriend from clubs?

maybe you, but not me definitely.

sk and mark died.

followed by kevin.

then arif.

and I WANT TO DANCE DANCE DANCE DRINK DRINK DRINK MORE.
but they all died on me.

they really have to do something about their stamina.

the less-wild saturday

felt so lazy; just want to sleep, watch tv and indulge in junkies.

yet i couldn't not go to NOVENA church.
and being a good buddy, i have to go with andy.
HAHA, but i like going to novena because it's prayers and all.

after which, i went to catch european gigolo at lido.
OKAY LAH. isn't as funny as 40 years old virgin, but it's still quite an amusing movie.
and i treated ANDY, in fact, no he demanded it from me.
what a fine young gentleman he is.

" can you show me your IC-s?"

"(wide eyes open) ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

ANDY: "(HAHA) i am so happy"

"(shakes head) i don't want to be young, i can't believe, this is the second time"

"i think i should keep a goatee"

and my bus ride home.
and loneliness subside;
fuck i can't believe this is all happening to me;
some days you feel so lonely; just so lonely.
and i am eating all of this like a man.
thank god,
i've got my sleeping pills.

sleep my nightmares off me,

eugene.

2005-10-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

the bus rides

it's strange that
whenever i am on my way home taking the same old bus
i tried not to look out from the window,
but sometimes my eyes steal glances,

no,
i don't want you to board the bus.

because
i will jump off my seat and hide.

i don't know the words to say to you no more;

whats there to say when i have been thinking of you more than anybody else
when i know it isn't possible for me;
because
i am not for you.

because sometimes,
i feel i ain't right,

and now
i only wished everything wasn't right like how they were supposed to be right from the start; so
tell me missing the old times when i felt overwhelmed speaking to you was wrong; that everything i did for you was forgotten and lost by you.

i reckon so,
it was a mistake.

goddamnit.
i feel lonely like only kevin does understands; because he's in my shoes.

sometimes,
i hope
there's a god-sent soulmate for me
to let me cry
on

loves,

EUGENE MATTHIAS

2005-10-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

the JU HUI consipiracy

mind you, everything's in chinese; just that i have translated them to english for easy reading and less mistakes on my chinese han yu ping ying. = )

waiter : " what do you want for drinks?"

me: "let me think for a while?"

me: "just think for a while more.."

(waiter walking away)

me: "WAIT, i know what i want"

(waiter turns to look at me)

me: "WOI YAO JU HUI (now its in chinese)"

waiter: (give me that i-don't-know-what-are-you-talking-about face; in short, the blur cock face) "HUH?"

me: "JU HUI, JU HUI LA"

mum: "(turns to look at waiter) sorry, it's ju hua"

me: "(turning tomato red) HAHA"

(everyone started laughing)

simply because i was thinking ju hua is keng hui in hokkien,
and my mind was drifting aimlessly somewhere else when
the waiter asks for drinks,

so the combination of chinese + hokkien = JU HUI

laughing gives six pacs,

eugene

2005-10-09T05:12:00.000-07:00

FALL OUT BOY

suddenly,
i am aspired to work really hard for alot of money so that i can support myself.

and yes, i think i will work my hardest to make it big one fine day.

and i want to drive a BMW 7 SERIES around town real soon.

FALL OUT BOY,

eugeneee

2005-10-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

whatever today;
i miss my friends suddenly

sheesh.

unpretenious people in my life i see them

save trees someone,

eugeneee

2005-10-07T22:16:00.000-07:00

your morning message
tells me
you believed in me.
i smiled
even though i felt like shit,
and yes
it was like two shooting stars
colliding,
i woke up by the alarm on my phone
and
your message came.

you believed in me at least;
it says alot.

loves you,

eugene ng ke ai!

2005-10-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

THE DRINK POISONING

i never have problems with my skin until i came to army;
now i have some weird rashes looking thingy with water in them like a bubble you can poke with a needle,
and not only is it itchy,
it's fricking painful,
PAINFUL

and god knows what weird skin condition this is.

ITS BEEN 5 DAYS ALREADY.
UGH.

MY STOMACH IS CHURNING NON-STOP
MY HEAD IS SPINNING
I CANT BELIEVE
I AM SO DRUNK YESTERDAY

YOURS TRULY,
DRUNKARD

2005-10-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY 1/2 DAY

WHEN I STEPPED INTO HOUSE,
my mum was like
"woah your hair's so short"

i was like "yeah, have a haircut at camp"

"no wonder so shuai"

"(coughing) but i dont think i am, mummy, it's a 4 dollars haircut by an auntie with a tatto on her back"

"but you suit short hair, it makes you less skinny."

"oh well, thanks anyway, i think i will make her my godmother then"

AT LEAST ONLY MY MUMMY PRAISES ME.
HEH.
so deprived of any appreciation from anybody;
my mummy will provide just that right for me.
HAHA.

haha, the army took 1/2 day leave for us,
what is this right?
according to the new SAF regulations, we cannot "save" and spend our leave just before our ORD so we could have a mass clearance of leave,
instead we have to clear our 14 day of leave given on the year itself,
and look,
now they're taking 1/2 leave from my entitlement of my 14 days leave from of the second year,
WHAT IS THIS AGAIN RIGHT?

and now listen up,
i dont have any power to choose the days to take my leave off either,

SO WHAT IS THIS AGAIN AGAIN RIGHT?

sheesh.

but oh well,

can't wait to indulge in alcohol and dancing later tonight;

so much so i wouldn't be able to care about anything else in the world including you.

rock and roll guys,

gene.

2005-10-02T05:47:00.000-07:00

CRAZY SATURDAY WITH VEGUZ
SAD DAY FOR BALI AND PEOPLE AND WORLD

AND WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?

= )

SOMETIMES, THE SIMPLEST THING DOES MEAN ALOT TO ONE.

TAKE CARE PEOPLE,

EUGENE!

2005-10-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

SISTER HAZEL - BEST I'LL EVER BE

I miss you

I miss being overwhelmed by you

And I need rescue

I think I'm fading away

But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear

I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room

So I wait and I wait

And I run old scenes through my tired head

Of the days we laid by the school and said forever

Was that the best I'll ever be

I miss you

I miss talking all night long with you

And I need this to find a way to your home

My love can you hear me

Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough

Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone - alone

So I wait and I wait

And I run myself in the same old circles

I sit and I stare

And I run old scenes through my tired head

Of the days that we laid by the school and said forever

Was that the best I'll ever be

Can't keep my hands from shaking

Stumbling through the wreckage again

But you're gone

So I wait and I wait

And I run myself in the same old circles

And I sit and I stare

And I run old scenes through my tired head

Of the days that we laid on our backs and said forever

Was that the best I'll ever be

SONG OF THE MONTH; BEEP; MY STORY; MY SONG; I MISS YOU; SOMEDAY SOMEDAY

2005-09-25T03:33:00.000-07:00

I'M NOT OKAY (I PROMISED)

1. NO VULGARITIES (WHEN REALLY PISSED) ANYMORE

2. APPRECIATE AND CHERISH EVERYBODY ESPECIALLY PEOPLE WHO MEANS ALOT (EG, DADDY, MUMMY) TO YOU WHILE I AM STILL ABLE TO

3. BE PATIENT

4. NEVER TO BE RASH AND IMPULSIVE

things i have to do.

to be a better man.

TSK TSK.

love all,

eugene the great

2005-09-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

(grandpa with a funky hairdo to your caring aid; "kids come to me, let me PLAY with you")

coughs ah coughs

de aftermath

SATURDAY MORNING

HOTCAKES
SWIMMING
JOGGING
PUSH UPS
CRUNCHES

i woke up dreaming of uoy today
(haha)
and i was = )
then again,
it was just a dream.
damnit.

that's my saturday morning for you.
can't wait to shake my bon bon in the pool.
nahs,
dont get me wrong,
i just dont want to be bumped by fat people in the pool.

I NEED TO GROW; ZHANG DA (my weaknesses; never think consider before actions and words)

sexy isn't this?

i like playing with fonts.

yours if you say yes,

eugene matthias.

2005-09-23T06:17:00.000-07:00

sleeping makes you taller

old men deserves to be castrated and soak in boiling water before chopping them off.
horny bastards,
harassing me day after day.

just because i am innocent looking,
(HAHAHAHAHA)
doesn't mean i am an easy prey,
watch your step uncle,
oops,
i am sorry.

NASTY
NO.

UGH.
NEVERMIND.
SOMETIMES YOU WONT FORGET THAT DIRTY FELA SLAPPING YOUR ASS.

REPENTED I AM,
i only have to prove and show
that before expecting from you
again.

2005-09-23T05:43:00.000-07:00

GRAVE I DIG BURRIED MYSELF IN; MISTAKES I MADE NEVER FORGIVEN; WISHES FORSAKEN

that's so apprioriate.

anyhow,
back at home.

i am bored
i am gonna strum my electric guitar now
and turn my amplifier to max.
there you go babe.

i just composed a song
because army's damn boring and i have nothing better to do.

BUT it's just for myself.
so sad,
i am selling fish.
HAHA.
COPYRIGHT PLEASE.
courtesy of NG JINGHUA KE AI.
yeah.

TOO LATE TO REALISE

wind the windows up,
i shout out loud,
the doors are closed for me,
mistakes i screamed,
sweep the issues,
and the clock's about to strike,
did it ring up on your dial?
are you back just yet?
waiting now,
come please,
set me free.
just you,
and the only sound is a minute left.

this could be, this could be a last time.

it's a chance to fix mistakes up,
one more for the last time,
does it blow our dreams away?
don't waste this chance with your smile,
10 seconds left on the dial,
this could be the last time.

walking the stairway,
i dreamt i heard you,
in my empty bunk,
room for thinking,
emptiness for screaming,
but the echoes sound like you,
not the stars in the night,
in a pitch black sky,
i don't know,
i just want to see you.
but the time isn't right and
it flies.
it does fly
through my eyes.

this could be, this could be the last time.

it's a chance to fix mistakes up,
one more for the last time,
does it blow our dreams away,
don't waste this chance with your smile
10 seconds left on this dial,
this could be the last time.

its only you and me now,
its only us now,
a simple wish,
it's so late now.

this could be the last time,
now I've made our last mistake
one more for the last time, THIS COULD BE x2 (second singer)
does it blow our dreams away,THIS COULD BE x 2
don't waste this chance with your smile, THIS COULD BE x 2
10 seconds left on this dial, THIS COULD BE x 2
this could be the last time. THIS COULD BE x 2

it's only you and me,
it's only us now,
it's so late now.

ugh.
i am gonna turtle myself at home, i need to grow FAT FAT AND FAT,
but i have already put on 2 kg since. HAHA.

damn my braces, it changes colours again.
swear i am gonna sue my dentist.
you are just gonna be bankrupt this lifetime,
because i am just gonna break you.
GRRRRRRRRR.

i never do think before i speak huh?
coughs,
the consequences,
too late to turn time.

but oh boy,
happy as i can be,

yeah right.

seeyou,

eugene ng jinghua the sexy.

2005-09-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

my love connection hung up on me

haha.
arif just asked me if i wanna go zouk with edmund and co.
AND I JUST TOOK OFF MY CONTACT LENS.

MAN.
too late
SIGHS.
I WOULD HAVE GONE

now,
i am going to sing akon's MR LONELY tonight.

cheers,

piss on me

2005-09-16T23:26:00.000-07:00

SIMPLICITY AMPLIFIED

now things seemed so clear now,
even though my eyes are anything but watery! ugh. who's fault? no, i am not blaming my dad for giving me his eyes, but i am gonna sue nivea sunblock lotion. man, they literally blind me.

you see,
i just had a swim again.
and i was swimming.

there's something i can't really understand, why do fat people always bump into me when they're swimming.
i know i am lean and skinny, but i am still big enough for them to realise that i do exist.
hey look,
i am swimming too.

they should all wear red swimming caps with a warning sign, "DANGER".
oh dear,
i am just feeling so nasty.

i realised that,
being a SUAN YU ZHOU, meaning PISCES, we think alot,
and when i was swimming,
and belonging to a horoscope that is of a water element,
i think swimming clears up my confusion, doubts and whatever that's bogging me down.

so yeah baby,
swimming is healthy not just for the BODY AND SKIN, it's also healthy for the brain!
so now call DR GENIUS.

haha.

i like laughing at myself.
because laughing makes the world alittle kinder.

ivy and i are quite alike!
oh,
wait,
are we twins or not?
haha. kidding.
thanks for sharing with me so much.
and you'll get over him soon
i pray alright.

= )

ah,
here's something for everyone, espeically my friends,
and its RANDOMLY WRITTEN.
= )

take a look around,
babies in prams crying,
kids running around,
teens dressing up,
adults in suits,
old people strolling in parks,
everything around me stalls,
and i feel the breeze towards me,
when everything becomes nothing to me,
nothing seems to matter anymore,
when raindrops stare at you motionlessly,
you know time has stopped for you,
because even the heart does stop sometimes.

like dorian gray he is,
beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
beauty does suicide in its own boulevard of withered roses,
suicidal cynicism this appears,
one look,
and he vanishes forever,
like beauty within,
never die they say,
i love how the heart told me how
i yearn for you.

the greeks once said,
our eyes dont cry for emotions running wild,
they
bleed for
thy
love.
eyes they may bleed,
the heart never bleeds,
as brittle as they can be,
broken only it can be.
so
when the heart breaks,
the greeks say
bury her up,
and decor a funeral for her.
funeral in your heart.

(and i know,
you didn't want me.)

yours truthfully,

J H NG.

2005-09-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

ANDY'S RIGHT

tsk tsk.
went out with my indofriends,
who else?
it's vegu andy and me.

we met up at cine,
and watched NIGHTWATCH.
in fact, i was rather late, because i took the mrt,
and it was such a slowcoach that by the time i reached bishan it was 3.00pm.

so yeah.

and NIGHTWATCH'S FANTASTIC LAH.
it's gruesome psychotic and complex.
and i've got to say, it's one of those movies,
you have to use some brains to grasp the concept of the movie.
well,
and i was quite shocked to see nudity in a NC16 movie.

sheesh, so does that mean any other 16 year old punks get to see a topless woman?
tsk tsk, so much for relaxing censorship, 16 year olds rejoice, your first glimpse of nudity!
cheers to you guys!

(coughs)

anyhow,
today,

1. TURNED AROUND AND SAW A WOMAN WITH HAIRY LEGS (ALMOST FAINTED)

2. THE FAT GUY AT MADYANDAKI SOMETHING LAH KEEPS BLABBERING SOME JAP THAT IRKS ME, HE SAYS (*$#&$&((@!#@$(*&$#*&&@((#@( EVERY 10 SECONDS. GODDAMNIT.

3. BODYSHIP HAS THE MOST SEXY AD POSTER. IMAGINE A FAT WOMAN COVERING HER BOOBS WITH SOME FLOWERS. (VOMITS)

4. 40 YEARS OLD AH BENG WHO WEARS SUNGLASSES KEEPS STARING AT ME IN BUS. EXCUSE ME, ITS ALREADY 10.00pm MISTER ACT YOUNG BUT NOT YOUNG ANYMORE, OLD BIRD. SWEAR HE'S AN EX CONVICT.

enough.

actually,
i'd like to say

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along just to make it through.

boy,
this doesnt matter much to you i guess.

and besides you dont read.

jesus loves you,

eugene whacked the second time.

2005-09-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

CHEENA FEELINGS

i am listening to my one and only chinese song in my playlist which consists of hundreds of songs.

WOI SHI ZHEN DE ZHEN DE HEN AI NI

it's damn gloomy lah.
what a sad song.

i dont really understand the every bloody single chinese word in the song,
but i got the rough picture in my head,
this guy getting rejected;
and for everything that he has done;
was deemed nothing to the girl he loves.

suddenly
i'd like to say i miss meeting my goodfriend ANDY.

COUGHS.

tsk tsk,
i am behaving like a banker

speaking of my ambition.

age 20 - JEEP CAR

age 21 to 24 - STUDIES

age 24 to 27 - WORK

age 27 to 29 - MBA

age 29- MY HOUSE

2005-09-11T03:56:00.000-07:00

110905

club onxy
i feel like going.

i am feeling lonely on weekends.

maybe i should turn my salvation to alcohol, dancing and kissing strangers all over again.

alcohol numbs people to how ever they feel;
they make you feel like you're having the time of your life;
they complete me.

2005-09-11T03:28:00.000-07:00

FIELD CAMPS SAGA

yeah baby.
people,
these two weeks been the toughest of my army life ever.
i had three field camps in 2 weeks which is totally nuts.
trusts me,
it's not easy to run with a 25 kg load.
running,
squating,
kneeling,
lying on the ground,
all with the 25kg load.

i am quite sure,
it's gonna shorten me.
i am like a pin,
and the load's like a hammer,
knocking down onto me every second.

pain i feel;
i thought what could be better if i'd just suck this through like a man.

now,
just woke up from my sleep,
i realised nothing ever make any sense,
like i didn't feel any sense of achievement even though we came in tops.

nothing,
army's a total waste,
it's a shithole to begin with,
you are send into it,
and next you are being suck into it,
and then you realised this blackshittyhole is just getting stronger and stronger,
and nothing can pull you away from it.

think about it,
camouflage your fricking face with green black VEGETABLE OIL CREAM.
yes, i look macho for a second, but then nobody knows how irksome it can get when it gets into my eyes.
i have to eat CAN FOOD and COMBAT RATIONS,
and most of the time,
i didn't dare to eat my fill,
for the simplest reason;
to take a crap in the forest is as good as saying your greetings to the houseflies and insects of wildlife.
so now, you're frowning at me,
hey its true, based on my experiences, my advice is never take a crap after 7 because thats when a swamp of houseflies will come attacking you.
"ZZZZZZZ" is what you're gonna be hearing when you're having constipation,
and you know you don't like it because you can literally feel them on your ass.

tsk tsk.

and the more i live with my present bunch of platoon mates,
the more disdant i feel against them.
the more uncomfortable i feel about myself being associated with them,
they live by gang cheers,
they live by tattoes and casual sex,
they live by vulgarities and crudness i sometimes wonder.
"what's 35 cents face?"

and you know i seldom use vulgarities and all,
i hardly in fact,
i only use it times when temperature runs high,
and i try my best never never to use it because
it just speaks so much about you,
likeis that how your family brought you up?

and i miss my level of society.

and all these while,
i am kinda thinking of you,
but you seemed busy all this while,
so i kept my mind busy by all the unhappiness in camp
than sulk in your lack of attention towards me.

tell me why,
i just felt i should be patient
even though i am the least patient person i know i can be.

heh, dramatic irony i can be sometimes.

god bless,

eugene whacked.

2005-09-11T03:25:00.000-07:00

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside
I know I knowww..
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows

2005-09-10T23:43:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY CRAZYTRAIN RUSH

today was a crazy day,
first i took the mrt back home for the first time ever,
dude, i rock your world?
FIRST TIME MAN BROTHERS,
EUGENE NG JINGHUA MATTHIAS BECAME AN INDEPENDENT MAN.

all thanks to XIAN RUI last minute pangsehing and my refusal to get my daddy to fetch me,
kudos to eugene,
kudos to matt,
kudos to a new independent man.

and boy was it an enjoyable ride,
can you imagine two NS boys sitting side by side,
napping,
shoulders to shoulders,
and DROOLING
hahah
we were laughing at each other after we got off hurriedly at our stop.
and WE ALMOST MISSED OUR STOP

CHAI: "EH THIS IS BISHAN STOP"

ME: "WHAT WHAT?"

CHAI: (PULLING ME ALONG) "QUICK"

ME: "MY LEG'S NUMB. HAHA"

i almost knock onto a toddler.

SAFETY HAZARD i am.

and we chatted till we fell asleep.

CHAI AND EUGENE
EUGENE AND CHAI

YOU AND ME
ME AND YOU

we are gonna rock tonight.

haha.

and
i am gonna sound like a total asswipe here when i am telling you

"HEY BLOG I HAVE 3 PIMPLES ON MY CHINS, HOW THE HEL AM I GOING TO SHAVE NOW?"

oh well,

i aint gonna care much,
i am keeping a goatee.

YEA RIGHT. (COUGHS)

i missed home.
i missed so much of home.

and now,
my next goal in life is to get an extra 8 cm on my shoulders and a ULTRA GOLDEN TAN.

so yeah,
TMR
MY PLAN SWIMSWIMSWIM for 3 hours.

AND THIS'S GONNA BE A WEEKLY EVENT.

BUT I WANT MORE FATS,
PLEASE DONATE SOME TO ME.

CHICKEN FATS.

THANKYOU.

LOVE YOU,

eugene the whacked.

2005-09-04T04:44:00.000-07:00

woke up from the wrong side of the bed
argued with my brother
had it out on everybody i speak to
i was even throwing my temper at her.

sighs.

i am sorry.

i didn't mean to.

you should know how very special you're to me.

jesus lives,,

eugene.

2005-09-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

ugh.
i will never eat, watch tv and talk on the phone in the future,
that's busted
and gross
and i speak like a sealion,
and i can't listen like my toes doesn't rot for once every camp i have,
and it's not making my uclers feel happy.

and she slept on me again.

liwen you,

you,

i can't forgive you,

can i?

actually, i was insatiously thinking and missing you all that while;

for tard sake, that's crazy for once.

and you actually miss me too, don't you?

jesus loves me,

too decent to be true; me.

2005-08-27T04:52:00.000-07:00

to you,

find me here

speak to me

i want to feel you

i need to hear you

you are the light

that is leading me

to the place where

i find peace again

you are the strength

that keeps me walking

you are the hope

that keeps me trusting

you are the life to my soul

you are my purpose

you are everything

and how can i

stand here with you

and not be moved by you

would you tell me

how could it beany better than this

you calm the storms

you give me rest

you hold me in your hands

you won't let me fall

you still my heart

and you take my breath away

would you take me in

would you take me deeper now

'cause you're all i want

you are all i need

you are everything

everything

from me.

2005-08-26T21:54:00.000-07:00

jerk it out

oh well
yesterday i was talking 397387347189646436348373874749294 to liwen initially,
and all of that doesn't make much sense because i felt really bad with a captial B
and i was talking nonensenseseseseesese and blabbering rubbish and pausing for silence.

before that i made a joke.
hahaha. she fell for it.
but i wanted to seeeee her reaction,
her reaction,
NOTHING.

YOU'RE BORING like hell.

we all know we enjoy each other's company,
and that what matters.

AND
YOU MADE ME WASTE
ALL MY INGREDIENTS.
YOU NIKAPOO.
BIBOO YOU.

yours truthfully,

matthias.

2005-08-26T03:29:00.000-07:00

i love this closing time
this great jolly good song.

I SCREAMED

AND SING THE WHOLE SONG.

because it feels so right.

god doesnt really care if you had been me,

eugene.

2005-08-26T03:12:00.000-07:00

GREENDAY - CLOSING TIME

Verse I
Closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time, turn all the lights on over boy and every girl
Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

Chorus
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home... home...

Verse 2
Closing time, time for you to go out to the places you will be from
Closing time, this room won't be open till your brother's or your sister's come
So gather up your jackets, moving to the exits, I hope you have found a friend.
Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end, yeah

Chorus
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home... home...

Bridge
Closing time, time for you to go out to the places you will be from...

Chorus
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home... home...

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home... home...

End
Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

2005-08-25T22:02:00.000-07:00

"GREEN" DAY

i went out with my friends,

and caught the geylang massacre; perth with arif, even though i didn't want to watch that movie,
i would have prefered to watch the maid or saint ange.

to the end of the movie, i started to feel like puking crap out,
that sensation, i guess it has something to do with my flu,
but then again,
i thought it was the food i ate just before,

1. WANTON NOODLES FROM TAKA FOOD COURT
2. CHOCOLATE PANCAKE FROM TAKA SNACKS CORNER
3. COFFEE ROLL AND SOME PASTRIES FROM LIDO BASEMENT BAKERY

ugh,
and i didn't know why she, liwen, called me up yesterday when i told her that i wasn't feeling well and all, you know, it was quite a surprise to me.
i wanted to just say hi and bye,
but i was all smiles and so hooked to her listening to her
and something else,
that it dragged on quite a bit.

that's a quite a sweet gesture from her,
one point to you again,
and impressed again,
but i still reckon you're as lousy as i am,
as you can't wait till friday
when we can start speaking to each other.

HAHA.

LOU-SEEE YOU.

with god blessings,

ah jing.

2005-08-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

death doesnt just take someone, it misses someone else and in the same distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed

quote from the five people you meet in heaven.

2005-08-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

Stupid people are called stoops.

and i guess the whole fricking crap of army are stoops.

and boy, they
never do understand the word LIFE.

for christ sake,

learn to be a MAN.

god bless,

eugene's tired.

2005-08-21T04:26:00.000-07:00

BOOK-IN FEVER

tragic.

screw this,
i was actually in the mood to cook up some awesome poem and story.

but i don't have the time,

just pray arsenal beats chelsea flat down.

= )

and may god bless those who needs better eyesight,

i am getting blind,

but i still see you.

eugene the blind one.

2005-08-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

WENT OUT TO DOTA WITH MY ARMY BUDS.
haha

i am like damn afraid to play with daniel because he always bangs his mouse when he loses,
you know,
we all know,
he cant lose,
he doesnt have the right sportsmanship to play a game,
and we all know too,
that we can't win everytime,
and when he's mad,
nobody like to see that.

haha.

my purple blue coloured bracers hurt,
this is bullshit man,
i cant eat anything solid for now,
and there's an ucler at the lower lip.
this totally stinks.

but i did heed your advice for the colours, didnt i?

and its weird
everytime i peep at my handphone,
a few seconds later,
i would see "1 message received"

maybe it's just MY FEELING.

then again,
why has it always got to be your message,
and i would be
NOT YOU AGAIN.
hahaha.

but i like it just that way.

tiptoe and kiss me,

eugeneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2005-08-19T01:13:00.000-07:00

whoohoo

i must say again.

whoohoo

less than 5 people out of 40 plus people passed this crazy gruelling mental torturing physical obstacle test today.

haha,

and
i was one of the few lucky ones to make it through.

SERIOUSLY LUCKY
because my body was aching 24/7 and was so stiff and cramped up from the static exercises and runs for the past few days before the actual test,
and i really didn't have the confidence to tell myself that i can hang my socks up after the test,
you know,
every single inch of my body was wrecking with pain,
from my toes to my eyebrows! HAHA.

but i guess
it's mind over body.

"EUGENE YOU CAN'T WALK, YOU HAVE TO KEEP TRYING, KEEP RUNNING, COME ON,
OR YOU WILL HAVE TO COME BACK ON SATURDAYS FOR REMEDIAL TRAININGS, YOU CAN DO IT COME ON"

yeah,
it was like ringing in my head,
i saw that everytime the ache gets into my mind.

and i have to thank also GOD.
well, 5 mins before the actual test,
i was praying to him,
seeking for strength.

i know this may sound damn RE-TARD-ED
but it actually helps when you believe there's a spirtiual divination; spirtual help.

= )

oh well,
actually,
i was damn afraid that i might fail because i was on the phone speaking to her till 1.50am !

crazyness isn't it?
yeah i know,
but
i love laughing,
i love smiling,
and i love listening to her.

ah,

it's probably some addiciton lah,
i think it will go away someday,
and who knows,
she would get bored of speaking to me one day...

i may look strong and confident on the surface,

but i am so not in the inside i tell you,

so afraid of trusting what my heart says sometimes.

alright,
time to ciao.

adios,

EUGENEEE

2005-08-15T00:54:00.001-07:00

TOUCHDOWN MONDAY

i am feeling so hollow baby.

ITS BACK TO ARMY.

crap
i just got used to living like a goddamn civillian,
and they want me back in their cages,

grr,
14 more months i tell myself,
8 months have already passed,
so whats another 14 more months right?

soon it will be,
i shall be the happiest man then.

as i just hang up,
i am eating my bread with butter and TAU HUI and drinking EARL GREY TEA,
i was thinking of seeing you.

as today i leave,
i am sure i'm gonna think of YOU.

HAHA.

BUT I THINK ITS OKAY.

NOBODY KNOWS

AND ONLY MY BLOG KNOWS.

= )

god loves everyone,

matt boy.

2005-08-15T00:54:00.000-07:00

2005-08-13T00:43:00.000-07:00

OASIS - LET THERE BE LOVE

Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heavens would cry over me?

Who stole the soul from the sun in a world come undone at the seams?

Let there be love -

Let there be love

I hope the weather is calm as you sail up your heavenly stream

Suspended clear in the sky are the words that we sing in our dreams

Let there be love -

Let there be love

Come on baby blue

Shake up your tired eyes

The world is waiting for you

May all your dreaming fill the empty sky

But if it makes you happy

Keep on clapping

Just remember I'll be by your side

And if you only go,

it's gonna pass you by

2005-08-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

JAMES BLUNT BLANT BLAH IS QUITE THE MAN I MUST SAY EVEN THOUGH HE SOUNDS ALITTLE FAGGISH IN HIS SONGS

2005-08-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

BLESSED UNION OF SOULS - I WANNA BE THERE

Won't you let me catch your fall

Won't you let me lend a hand

Those lonely eyes have seen it all

But love's too blind to understand

Cause you don't know what you have

Til your everything is gone

You need someone to show you how to live again

I wanna be there when you're feeling high

I wanna be there when you wanna die

I'm gonna light your fire

Gonna feel your flame

I wanna be there when you go insane

I wanna be there when you're feelin' down

And I'll be there when your head is spinnin' round

Gonna be your lover

Gonna be your friend

I wanna be there til the end

You wouldn't know that I was there

Cause I have been there all the time

And if I had my way I'd hold you in my arms

And leave this madness all behind

Cause you got so much to give

But you throw it all away

And all you got to show for who you are is pain

And I've got so much to give

If you'd only let me in

I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend

You'll believe in love again

I wanna be there in the pouring rain

I wanna be there when you call my name

I'm gonna light your fire

Gonna feel your flame

I wanna be there when you go insane

I wanna be there when I'm outta town

And when your whole damn world is crashing down

I'm gonna be your lover

Gonna be your friend

I wanna be there til the end

Cause you don't know what you have

Til your everything is gone

You need someone to show you how to live again

And I got so much to give

If you'd only let me in

I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend

You'll believe again

I wanna be there when your baby cries

I wanna be there when they tell you lies

I'm gonna light your fire

Gonna feel your flame

I wanna be there when you go insane

I wanna be there when your nights are long

And when you're feeling like you don't belong

Gonna be your lover

Gonna be your friend

Gonna be there til the end

I'm gonna be there in the morning

I'm gonna be there in the night

I'm gonna be there to make you strong when you're tired

I'm gonna be there when you want me

I wanna be there when you don't

Gonna be your lover

Gonna be your friend

Gonna be there til the end

2005-08-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

SERENITY THURSY

going to catch land of the dead with my dude, arif
yeah.
its time to do some catching up i reckon.

it's 6.13am,

my dad came in and woke me up,

followed by a vibration on my phone,

"1 message recieved"

i was like man, shit, i am so dead,
i couldn't wake up on time to give her a morning call,
what if she's late for school,
i will be so doomed you see,
i was talking to her till 2.30am last night,
and she had school the next day.

ah,
and i got back to sleep till 11+ in the morning.
HAHA.

everytime we speak on the phone,
i feel that i've got to thank her for making me smile and laugh so much and hard.
it's weird and i don't know why she makes me smile so much even though i am tired and sleepy.

anyhow,
coincidence,

1)
she messaged me for the lyrics of inside of love by nada surf,

and i was like are you listening to that song right now?

i was like WOW you know because i was also listening to the song too at the same time!

2)
went to thomson plaza for my waxes

and she was there studying with her friend

HAHA,
reminds me of this damn romantic view i caught on my NDP duty,
i saw a crescent moon in b/w two brightly lit stars,
and from my angle, i could see these two stars because they were the brightest,
and most visible.

NO FATE LAH
i say.

haha.

yours sincerely,

matt.

2005-08-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY TARDY

i am gonna drive
at 190
till i see flashes
only flashes of memories
hurt, vanguish, and
despair.
will ride
through my mind

invisible it may all seem on my windscreen,
i only see one person standing in my way,
god.

suicidal, this sounds,
thats how someone will feel when he/she wants to commit suicide while driving.

i am just trying to visualise myself being in their shoes. WEIRD I KNOW, but i just came across some international report on car accidents, and the more i contemplate on this issue, the stranger i feel about it,
i do realised that,
the some of these car accidents are intentional.
so unintentional it may seemed at first glance,
people don't see what's happening in the car.

HAHA
enough of these dry stuffs,
i just felt damn bored right now so am bullshitting these,
i think i am gonna borrow some ANGELS AND DEMONS to read if this boredom continues.

HEH.
my MUM thinks i look like a malay now because of my TAN.
and when i pull up my tee just to show the sharp contrast of my tan and my body,
my sis was like,
pointing at my body.

SIS: "whats that line of hair on your stomach?"

ME:"EH EH EH. (STAMMERS)"

MUM: "(LAUGHS) that's his hair"

ME: "AIYARH, EVERY GUY HAS IT LAH"

SIS: "(GIGGLES) OKAY !"

what's up with these growing up teens,
what is so fascinating having hair on my body?
it's only normal for a guy to be alittle hairer on certain parts of our bodies,
tsk tsk,
girls these days.

anyway,
i wanna grow fair now.
(stamps on the floor)
yes i want to,
and for that,
i am not going to swim for the next 2 months !

coincidental,

J H NG.

2005-08-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

Every loss leaves a space that only God's presence can fill

man.
this is probably one of the best quotes ever.

ah,
haha.
i can't believe one of my ex school classmates still reads my blogs,
sheesh,
haha,
i am so hella boring lah.
YES LAH.
HAHA. the LAHS.

anyhow,

i'm starting to click with my army friends.

we're planning on a night cycling trip around SINGAPORE,

YOU KNOW
i like sports,
just that i can't do it leisurely so often because
of NATIONAL SLAVERY.

alright,

2005-08-08T09:10:00.001-07:00

PISSY MONIE

people always say it's better to have a bro/sis,
but when you have siblings that are immature or have yet to grow up,
it's terribly frustrating because
you have to lead by example,
you have to control your temper,
you have to give in to them,
and that makes you the elder brother.

anyhow,
i think
i am gonna prove it to you when the time comes.
real well,
i believe,
i'll hit the bullseye
thie time,
and it's going to stay there,
right in the centre.

i've got no mood,
can you tell?

god loves no one like you,

eugenenenenennenenenenenennenenenennene doesnt even comb his hair

2005-08-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

2005-08-07T10:51:00.000-07:00

SUNDAY SUNDAY

listening to tracy chapman's fast cars and enjoying the after effects of a rain is just so chilled out,
as if the world has just stopped for me to take a look around.

KFC OOM NO MORE KFC.

i have got the craziest encounter with a taxi driver today.
now you know why people always say "you can't see indians in the dark cept their teeth"
(mind you, no offence to the people out there, i know this sounds rude, but to illustrate my point of view, i am using it)

didn't know he was an indian when i had realised there's a soft tamil music on the background.

god bless,

matt.

2005-08-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

11.45PM

one call,

and it touched me,

and it made my day.

suddenly,
the world seemed alittle kinder,
HAHA,
why do i sound so pathetic huh?
but yes,
that's so me when i can't get things my way,
the eugene way,

GOD LOVES YOU,

KEAI-

2005-08-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY WASTED NIGHT

all that i have got to say,
is i was tremendously disappointed.

PLAN ON SATURDAY.

1. BRACERS
i have got to change my wire because it seems loose and my colour orange decolouries and white's turning alittle green in colour, so yeah, i was looking forward to purple plus blue.

2. CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
you know how much i like FANTASY MOVIES, say shrek 2. i love to indulge myself in the world of happiness and simplicity, why do we have to think, contemplate and whine so much? yes why why? why can't we live like the happy big green monster ? and i am watching it with a busy someone who has a very tight schedule you see? and yes, it's like a etad. ETAD.
and i've planned it all everything. AND I ADORE CHOCOLATES. YEAPS.

3. BOYS NIGHTS OUT
my good friends from NTU have this hall bash at RAV located at BOAT QUAY. and i am so dying to go out with them, you know how busy they will be and how often i get to come out?
and i haven't been drinking for the past 2 months, i need some fricking alcohol to get me to cloud 9.

anyhow,
i have got no mood.

i am totally dampened.

so yes, i give everything to the nation,
and the nation's taking all my weekends off without returning it to me,
talk about loyalty,
talk about pride,
talk abour equality.

and yes,
don't tell me that there're always time for these things again,
because i dont buy that shit.
it's like stocks,
if you dont get the right price,
you're gonna be 6 feet under.

kudos to NDP rehersals,
i hope a bomb explodes halfway throughout the preparations tomorrow,
and leave me alive so i can run away to sneak out.

YES,
i am crazy.

god bless people from getting blasted,

ke ai no more.

2005-08-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY LAST DAY

tomorrow 7am and it'll all be over; what freedom and shopping trips to century square will all vanished.

ME: "i wouldn't mind serving NS for 2 years doing guard duty for NDPs or parades or celebrations similiar to this"

ANDREW: "me too. i actually feel human doing all of these you know? same sentiments, exactly."

ME: "let's enjoy for now, you never know what will happen tomorrow, for gospel tells us, do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself"

another conversation

CHAI: "if only everyday we're here doing guard duty..."

ME: "yeah i just told that to Andrew, woah great minds think alike dude"

CHAI: (haha) "really? cool."

you see.

serving the nation is a no big hoo ha, because i respect that,
in fact, i am returning what i owe to this society, this country and this nation.
people always say, it's not how much the country can give you but how much you can give the nation, exactly. but sometimes, as humans, we do crave for what we call the human touch,
humans yearn for just not love, but freedom.

freedom's a big word.
but what's freedom to you when you dont have a clock ticking to your book in timing?

think about it all.

god loves you,

eugene.

2005-08-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

MONDAY.

ONE OF THE BEST MONDY MONDAY OLE!

First i get to book out because it's NDP rehersals so which means i get to go home from 8pm onwards you see. So yeah, got to sleep at home for the next 2 days. what beats snugging up on my home bed anyway?

Had my new haircut and my mum says its looks nice on me. Yeap, i thought it's really short and i could feel the breeze blowing towards my face. I got to say i feel like a hair model now, so turn on the fan and blast it into my face.

but why isn't my hair moving?
oh because it's all gelled up,
sorry director, i shall pour hot water onto them.

SOMETIMES DREAMING CAN BE NASTY.
NASTY OH YES.

(i am listening to i believe over and over again, man, bang balls i tell ya, this song gets me so nervedup so lovey dovey so clingy so dreamy so gayish)

KFC today
AGAIN
OH MY,
I SHALL ABANDON KFC FOR THE NEXT 6MONTHS I TELL YOU,
(because ndp rehersals give you 2 PIECE CHICKEN MEAL FOR LUNCH AND BREAKFAST, OH SO GENEROUS, THANKYOU VERY MUCH AH)

FIRST TIME: "WAH DAMN SHIOK MAN, DIDN'T KNOW KFC CHICKEN TASTES SO YUMMYLICIOUS"

SECOND TIME: "EH NOT BAD LEH, ITS GETTING ME HUNGRIER"

THIRD TIME: "WHAT THE HELL, ITS SPICY AGAIN?"

FOURTH TIME: "CAN I MORTGAGE THE KFC VOUNCHER TO SOMETHING ELSE? I AM HAVING NIGHTMARES"

ANGEL SENT FROM ABOVE BY GOD (by me lah!)

it seems like i am walking along
by the edges of the cliff one day
am i going to slip and fall as i continue i ask?
or am i going to reach my destination safely?
so determined i may be
to reach my destination
i try
i believe
i look up above

so tell me, angel
when i am falling
will you spread your wings
and save me?
and into the majestic scarlet skies above the horizons
so now,
as we soar above
this seems so surreal
cloud numbr nine it feels like

Father's calling out my name i heard
i know
we have arrvied

God,
make me your angel today.
show me that i can love
without expectations and greed.

make me love wholeheartedly yet generously
make me love willingly but enough
make me love truthfully but don't ask
make me love gracefully yet faithfully
make me love everybody

make me love you one day

HAHA
i know this sounds freaking silly.

but i felt it this way today.
must be holy monk,
you bet.
BTW HOLY SHAOLIN MONKS HAVE SEXY SANDALS I WANT TO BUY.

KE AI JINGHUA,

COUGHS COUGHS.

2005-07-30T22:44:00.000-07:00

alright.

SUNDAY'S goona be a good day i am sure it will be.
i will do some exercises, burn some fats (oh wait, do i even have any fats to burn?)
then i had probably going indulge myself in some heavenly delicacies !

oh wait.

i like classics
i like nada surf
i like bracers
i like the colour white
i like a 4 month old shanzuer
i like babies
i like church weddings
i like hagan dazs

alright the list will just go on and on.

hmm.

blessed union of souls - i believe

touch my heart.

you know something?

love is boundiful and it bridges special bonds b/w people.
and sometimes you wonder again, why did i love you (not just BGR, b/w friends too yeah)?

then i'd asked god,

is this in your book?

he would scratch his head

then sighed,

love is the answer.

2005-07-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

i have my reasons for doing things like this.

and for every reason, it was for your sake; for this good friendship we had that i'm so afraid to lose you know?

so yes,

hate me,

so be it,

but i will still be waiting for that day when we're still = ) as friends.

anyhow

i love
this
short very short i mean very very short song track

Adam Sandler - I wanna grow old with you.

FANTASTIC ! OH BRAVO !

makes my day.

yours faithfully,

emn still.

2005-07-25T05:20:00.001-07:00

it's still monday, yes it is.
35 more minutes before i book in.

today out with the guys.

i did a daring stunt today,

i littered infront of 2 policemen.

HOW?

2 policemen walking towards me, and i crashed two phaphlets and throw them with both my hands onto the ground.

HAHA.

LITTER BUG

ARREST ME. I HAVE GOT A GREEN IC.

then,
in the bus,
i was sleeping because i am just so tired,
and my left leg was on top of my right leg (the way guys usuaully sit)
and it was touching the seat infront of me,
but i am very sure i didnt touch the old woman.
and she was like a narcissit, she kept staring down at my shoe
every now and then.

i felt so irritated by her frequent glances on my shoes that i finally put my left leg down.

so before i got off, i banged my foot,

and she stood up right.

that's for being a paranoid.

bastard,

loving it.

oh oh, (not ho ho)
i got caught in the rain today, so much for cursing someone.
retribution la.

i saw this darn cool nike tee at heeren today, in colours of white and two different shades of brown.

yours truly,

matt.

2005-07-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

2005-07-24T22:29:00.000-07:00

monday blues; monday depression; monday nothing i call you

it's the pinnacle of emptiness because monday is the start of a new week and its apparently my book in day.

so talk about booking in on a monday night
with an itchy groin.

(haha)

alright, gonna hang out with my gay pals later,

we shall indulge in some earthly temptations EG FOOOOOOD

what can be better than FOOOOOOOOD?

anyhow,
sometimes when you reach a point you know somethings are just going to end prematurely,
you'd back off just like the cancer's got into you,
you fall,
succumb to the illness,
i am just like that right now.

BUT
i am happy
SOMEDAY SOMEDAY BY THIRSTY MERC
rocks my socks. (coughs coughs)

didn't it make your day?

it'd made my day.

god bless everyone,

jinghua, the jing with the g.

2005-07-03T04:16:00.000-07:00

hah.
tiring is the word i will use for the past week.

never had enough of sleep due to the bloody life range outfield camp.
can you believe it, i was actually sleeping while washing the vehicle because i was so shagged out from the mental torture.

mental torture?
yes.
sounds so serious.

my bro borrowed money from me!
hah, i am quite broke now, but you know
the word broke has never really come to me
because my dad's my ATM machine.
haha.
such a spoilt brat.
but i like it
this way.

anyhow,
i was out with simone for the past two days, saturday and sunday.
haha.
i was tired, yet somehow i didn't really feel THAT tired, of course i could feel the fatigue every now and then, but it didn't just stop me from wanting to see her, to speak to her. what are good friends for?
i still miss the hagan dazs ice cream. so yummy.

alot like love's okay.
okay only
not thta sweet, but still sweet enough i think.
for me, i think it's about getting into the sack then love,
which i dont adhere my moral values to such.

hah.
i really must go church with her more often to make her a holy person.
she's been skipping church
and the thing is, she never listens and focus during service.
= )
haha.

my dad just bought a blue grey adidas t shirt for me,
i am thinking i will wear that and a berms for next weekend.
for a change, it's gonna be berm feast.
sporty eh !
maybe with my sunglassy too. HAHA.
act cool lah.
but i am suave enough to pull it off i think.
yeah baby.

2005-06-26T05:30:00.000-07:00

happier man
i get to watch alot like love in the cinemas!

first i thought i will be left to watch with some guys, and that will make me feel so gay.
(imagine, guys chuckling over a romantic comedy film, sheesh)
second i thought i had to borrow some dvd to catch it alone at home.

but now
i am looking forward to catching it with you this saturday hahahahahaha.
so cool.
awesome.
with a buddy
and she's so cuteeeeeee with alot of e(s) behind.

2005-06-26T04:31:00.001-07:00

Sunday morning's like any draggy morning in the army when i tried as hard as i can to wake myself up.

had mass, then lunch, then home, then went to meet someone and someone else too.

= )

Inside of Love by Nada Surf

Watching terrible tv
It kills all thought
Getting spacier than
An astronaut
Making out with people
I hardly know or like
I can't believe what i do
Late at night
I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above
Only when we get to see
The aerial view
Will the patterns show
We'll know what to do
I know the last page so well
I can't see the first
So i just don't start
It's getting worse

[chorus]
I can't find my way in
I try again and again
I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
Must be a different view
To be a me with a you
Of course i'll be alright
I just had a bad night

= )

i am a happier person today.

2005-06-26T04:31:00.000-07:00

2005-06-25T05:50:00.000-07:00

ta-da-da-na-da

you know, i am so in love with

GUESS?

If you leave by Nada Surf

FANTASTIC SONG !

actually, you know, it's very touching
and heart wrenching!

ugh!

i don't know why, but i am so in love with the melancholic style of this song.

kudos to nada surf.
i am probably going to buy their album !

i stayed at home practically the whole day because i am feeling very drained and tired from my field camp.

(sighs)

OH OH
there's alot like love
and bewitched.
these two romantic comedies are a MUST-WATCH for romantic dreamers!

and i like such comedies with a touch of love onto it.
so sweet.

maybe this is the season for love.

maybe i will like to love someday.

haha, i will see.

loves everyone,

EUGENEEEEEE.